My name is Lloyd Eliott Taylor. Contrary to most people's judgement, I AM NOT A BEAVER. I am, in fact, a groundhog, aka gopher or whistle-pig. I was born to a family of Amish whistlepigs on the banks of the ancient Monongahela River in Bunola, Pennsylvania.
Once upon a time, I made my home in a beautiful garden in a hole under a turquoise swimming pool. All this changed dramatically one day when I found myself staring down the barrel of an air gun whilst making myself at home among some juicy tomato plants.
In the interests of self-preservation, I now seek my fortune in the confounding clusterfart that is The World. Welcome.
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